billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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