Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
