i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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