I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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