hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
50% drunk capacity currently
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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