does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
