Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we made out on top of his cat.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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