haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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