You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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