We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
