Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize