her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
