last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
