She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
