How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
