Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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