If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
