i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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