Screwed.edu
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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