hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
