I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
