Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Your face is a jimmy john
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
