I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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