What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
