It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
