Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
