Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
