so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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