just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
