He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
