they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
