Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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