Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
