Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
