Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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