no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
