sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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