pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
