And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
