The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
