You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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