i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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