absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
