I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
