i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
