That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
