just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
