Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Found your dick twin last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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