just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
