I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
