Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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