were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
