Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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