Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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