If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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