So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
