Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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