i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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