is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
pray to the hookup gods
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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