this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
