Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
