I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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