How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
