you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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