I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
