I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
