my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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