**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
