all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
