Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
