I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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