How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
