i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
