I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
