dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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