Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
